Sunday, June 14, 2009

Why I Wouldn't Last 5 Minutes on a Deserted Island, Part 1

I see all these dopey quizzes on Facebook, right now it's kind of a game I play, can I block the quizzes as fast as they come out, but it's a big fail for me, there's like 10 new ones a day. I saw one the other day that was "How long would you last on a Deserted Island" that my sister took and of course her result was something impressive.

I know for a fact that I wouldn't last, I totally admit it and don't even pretend that I'm all cool and resourceful, because I just am not.

The worst thing for me would be the bug bites. I am one of those people that ALWAYS gets bitten. There could be 50 people dipped in sugar and jam standing around me while I am sprayed with bug spray and surrounded by netting, and it still wouldn't matter. The bugs, who are very resourceful (unlike me) would dig little tiny tunnels under ground to get to me inside the netting.

I've spoken before about how I don't get why people like to eat outside, because your cold food gets hot and your hot food gets cold and there are ants and bears and such, but really, it's the bugs. They love me. Yeah yeah, blah blah, I guess I'm just such a sweet person, oh whatever. That doesn't help when I have half-dollar size itchy welts on my legs and arms for the next three weeks.

Sadly I'm not really exaggerating here. I guess I am not only sweet, but am also extra allergic to the little nasty things. Especially mosquitos. I work so hard not to be outside in early morning and early evening, but something always happens. I had a really lovely dinner with friends friday night and we chose to have dessert and drinks outside sitting by the pool. I guess I was lulled into a sense of security by the good food and good company because I ignored my decades of experience and just sat out there having a good time.

And the results? 5 mosquito bites on my legs before it finally occurred to me to ask my hosts for some bug spray. And before you think I am all whiney, these bites actually woke me up out of a deep sleep last night with all their angry itchiness. 2 of them are now larger than a half-dollar piece, which does alarm me slightly, but I do have to admit, they are nothing like a spider bite.

Once, in florida, some irritated spider was having a bad day and decided to bite me, which is weird because I work really hard to not bother things that can bite, gnaw on or eat me. So I have to assume, he was just a jerk.

I never felt a thing, just all of a sudden I thought to myself, hey, my calf feels kind of hot. Hotter than the rest of me felt, because after all, it was florida where the humidity is always 110%. I reached down to feel my calf and it was BURNING HOT. We're talking little heat waves rising off of it and there was this angry red area about the size of the palm of my hand with one little tiny dot in the middle where the little poophead bit me. I was just sitting at a table outside minding my own business!!!

But still, it didn't last like these darn mosquito bites do for me. They just don't go away, I guess that's how allergic I am to the little bugger's (ha, get it? buggers!) venom or anesthetic or whatever it is mosquito's have. I'm going to have these bites itch for several days now, and the marks will last for weeks.


And that my friends, is why I know I wouldn't last on a deserted island. Yes, I love the Caribbean, I would even love to spend a couple years living there. But that means with running water and air conditioning and champagne. Not a deserted island. Deserted island mosquitoes would smell me coming a mile away. They'd pick me up and carry me back to their deserted-island-mosquito-lair and that would be the last anyone ever saw of me!

So currently I am experimenting with taking a Zyrtec for the antihistamine and topical hydrocortisone (1%). It's at least reduced it to a general tingling around the bites. But I have to be careful not to accidentally run my leg against something because if the bites get touched they get all itchy! I'm so annoying!!! :-D On a good note though, today I saw the cutest little ladybug sitting right on one of my freshly-bloomed daisies. Ladybugs and fireflies are the 2 bugs that I'm okay with. We're cool, we're BFFs. And inch worms I guess, as long as they don't fall out of the tree on to me. So really it's just the two.

Can anyone say "high-maintenance"? :-)

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  1. "Poophead"?
    It could be worse... you could be allergic to your own sweat.

  2. I'm telling you...put honey on the bite, takes the itch away. Don't forget the bandaid to keep the honey in place and not everywhere else in the house. If I do this as soon as I know I have a bite, it doesn't have time to itch...some enzyme in the honey takes care of it.
    Also, I remember that spider bite. I held my hand just above your leg, not touching, and could feel the heat. It also looked awful!!! Thanks spider from the Grand Floridian!!! I agree, he was a jerk.

  3. Ah, someone with my problem. Bugs love me that way, too. Watch out for black fly bites; they're the ones that swell up until it looks like a hot egg is under your skin and you may feel feverish with a scratchy throat or experience other effects of an allergic reaction. I can do without beaches and other buggy places, but I can't stand to stay away from my garden, so ... I live with the bites.