Sunday, October 26, 2008

"There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it."

So there I was, in Home Depot, which in itself is unusual because I've been mad at Home Depot for years....they treated me like I was a stupid girl so Lowe's has had my business for several years.

Anyway, so there I was, in Home Depot due to laziness, or rather gas-thriftiness, because the Home Depot was on my way home from work. I needed mulch for my newly planted tender little lilac sproutlings so they would be bedded down all cozy for the winter. Oh, you say, what happened to the last bag of mulch that was poured over them? Well let me tell you.....some poor planning on my part caused the mulch to be spread over an area of about 10 feet square. (I put the lilacs under where the bird feeder hangs from my deck - the rotten little piggy birds and squirrels pushed all the mulch into the grass!)

My bird feeder now hangs over the north side of the deck, where little grows but moss and the big plastic tube that carries water from my downspout away from my foundation and towards the people who live below me on the hill. How awesome is it to live on the top of a hill???

I tried picking the little pieces of mulch out of the grass and piling them back around the lilac sproutlings, but it looked pretty sad. And it was time-consuming. I pictured people in all the other townhomes looking out their windows at me and thinking, poor girl, she's trying to re-use dispersed mulch, doesn't she know any better? So off to Home Depot I went.

It's not really the outside stuff time of year so the outside area was pretty bare and scary. I went all the way to the back where there were these 30 foot high aisles under a metal roof (but still outside). I found my bag o' mulch and was putting it in my cart when.....

There were all these noises around me, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Little noises. Rustly noises. I was the only person out in this area, so I'm starting to get creeped out.....zombies? rampaging stalkers? bugs? Then it sinks in....birds. Birds were everywhere. Flying overhead under the metal roof, bopping around on the ground in that little bird way they have....sitting on bags of mulch looking at me. They were everywhere. So now I'm getting totally creeped out, like, have they come to carry me away to some other dimension (you see, that's the kind of stuff that goes through my mind when I'm on my own somewhere, I really shouldn't be left unattended). Come to think of it, I'm usually worrying about another dimension, I should probably look into that.

Anyway, so I carefully place my bag o' mulch in my cart and slowly head towards a door I see nearby to go back into the building. I didn't want to irritate any birds and have them go all Hitchcock on me. The next aisle over, I see the source of the problem. Dumb old Home Depot has placed their bird feed OUTSIDE. Where the BIRDS ARE. One of them must of had a switchblade or something because they were eating out of various bags of bird feed that had holes in them.

I ran past as fast as I could and got safely back inside.

Lowe's keeps their bird feed inside, even when it's competing for space with the christmas decorations.

By the way, I was back at Home Depot today, returning a couple things I bought extra of, and picking up a few other things.....and they were nice! To me! A girl! I hope it's a theme now and not something unusual.

Cause it would be a lot easier to just keep stopping on my way home from work at Home Depot rather than drive all the way over to Lowe's, who has recently ticked me off by installing those quarter thingys on the shopping carts, forcing me to always have a quarter with me to use a cart. I know it's silly, but I am SO OFFENDED by those things. I always put my cart in one of the return areas or back by the door using my own freewill. But now you don't trust me? We couldn't have had a talk about this before you just went ahead and did this??? So maybe now I'm mad at Lowe's and not mad at Home Depot. It would be pretty convenient for me.

And I recognize when I'm rambling so let me get the heck out of here!

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