Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"I love cats because I love my home, and after a while they become its visible soul."

Well, my cat Patches does not seem to be doing so well, and I am twisting myself in knots about what to do, if anything. She was doing SO well after the surgery at the beginning of october, she was running up the stairs with me seeing if she could trip me just like the old days. But then the friday before last I suddenly realized she wasn't doing much, as in all I ever saw her doing was sleep, and if I did catch her going up or down the stairs, she did it reeaall slow. And she doesn't jump up or down onto or off of things anymore, she seems to jump up okay, but jumping down she makes a little noise. What that means is that she hasn't been sleeping with me at night for the last several nights. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, since I am not the deepest sleeper, but the fact is, I miss her and I'm worrying about her, and I don't know how she feels for sure since she can't tell me.


I think her quality of life is mostly okay, her eyes are bright, she purrs when I pet her, she absolutely without fail will come down the stairs if I open a can of wet food (which of course I have been every day now), she seems to be grooming herself, it's just like she suddenly became a 20-year-old cat overnight rather than a 9-year-old one.

I was wondering if maybe she fell while I was at work one day, but I don't know. I checked her all over, didn't find anything obvious that looked out of place, no bones sticking out, no biting me if I touched her somewhere. But she seems like her left back leg is a little sensitive, she just makes a little noise at me if I touch it. Arthritis? How could it come on so suddenly? And then I worry that maybe the cancer just spread aggressively somewhere internally, I just don't know. And of course I hate to torture her by lugging her over to the vet again so soon. I'm afraid that the day I do that, it will be her last day.....

I adopted her May of 2000 from spay and save, I think they must have really underestimated when they told me her age. Or maybe this is it. Poor little thing. She has the best personality in a cat that I have ever come across, so sweet, doesn't hold a grudge, purrs like a little motorboat, just wants to be petted and loved (and fed wet food), and she loves (loved) sleeping next to me in bed with her head on my pillow too. I hope she's back sometime.

I feel like a dork agonizing over her quality of life, because after all, she is not a human, she's a cat, but I am responsible for her and I don't want her to suffer needlessly just because I don't want to be without her.

Poop poop poop.


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